clipped wings grow

i sat listlessly in my car, considering the past week and the manic ups and downs ive dealt with. i turned down the radio and let myself listen to my own breath, the sound of passing cars, the rain dropping methodically from open clouds and the hum of the engine. as the rain fell and slowly slipped down into the earth, a thought trickled into my mind and i realized, life is delicate. its easy to let it slip by unchanged. i am fearful of breaking it, and so i avoid touching, embracing, or changing it. it is scarey to think of changing things, and it is easy for me to be afraid. i sometimes tend to look at life like i do snowflakes, with awe and the knowledge that if i take it into my hands, even gently, iam likely to cause a meltdown. sometimes the beauty of life is in the meltdown though, in the uncertainty of watching something that is solid, become liquid and changable. this time of my life is exciting. the newness of feeling, original thoughts and freedom of spirit is all so intimidating, but exciting and freeing.